yea, he's definitely an omen. Everytime I see him in the morning, I have a crappy day. So yeah, I saw him this morning.

Let's review this weekend: Friday=tons of fun but people's true colors definitely came out. I don't understand it; if you don't like somebody, then don't like them. You can be civil, just don't be fake. That's what's wrong with certain people: they have to be so extreme with their actions and words. If you don't like sombody you really have to dislike them and really show it-but if they are around and you want to be ''civil'' you have to be extemely nice to them? Hell no. State your opinions once, have legit reasons behind them, if those people come around you, just tell them to fuck off (or hi) and move on. No need to fan the flames.

I wish people would get it.

anyway, i saw cari and clint this weekend which made my day. now i need to go find Kelsea! i miss you kelseaaaaaa.

So i'm absolutely in love with New Orleans. I think I'm going to remember that weekend for a very long time to come. Everybody needs a break every once in a while. The people there were so nice and I found it quit ironic that the only two people I found to be semi-bitchy were the two from Little Rock. Go figure! I would love to live there one day. I can't wait to start traveling. But I know that no matter what, I will end up in Little Rock. I really do love the town, it's just the dramatic atmosphere that sucks : ) In Nola, I got my cards read in the French Quarter! He was very accurate.

He says I'm a a child at heart, that anywhere I go I have to touch everything in sight. He also said that I'm very logical and have good instincts. but my downfall is that i never go with those instincts. so i guess i better start listening to myself!

i also have a new book idea i'm working on and i'm oh so excited to get it started!!
now all i have to do is write it...shiiiit.

NOLA

we made it to New Orleans!! and it's amazing. I love everything down here; the buildings, the food, the people. everybody is so nice. and from what i've seen most everybody gets along. aka no drama. Being away has given me the chance to think a lot. like how i'm going to stop focusing on what's negative. i'm going to stop focusing on the past and what i can't change. i'm going to focus on what i can do to make everything better for once.
what i love about being gone is coming back home. i appreciate it so much more after a trip. i can't wait to see little rock!!

Little Things

Here's a list of the little things that make me happy:
driving around listening to music
driving downtown
POP old school 90's music
being with the people that know me best
American Idol Karaoke
inside jokes
laughing until i'm crying
dancing
being outside
going to the big dam bridge
traveling: having the feeling of being far away
food
going to the movies
sitting at home on the weekends being lazy
waking up early and feeling like the whole day is infront of you
getting a good grade
volunteering
compliments
black and white old Hollywood era
driving through the carwash
finding something you thought you lost!
getting hugs
planning the future
going to concerts
taking pictures
reading a good book
deep conversations
planning my wedding even though i plan on not getting married
hookah bars
t.j maxx
political debates
reading the newspaper
getting coffee early in the morning
mmm chocolate chip cookies : )

good grief.

This has been the longest week ever...and it's only Tuesday : (
no bueno. Last night i did the craziest thing i've done in a while; i showed emotion. crazy i know. that's probably my least favorite thing to do; to cry and have people know about it. everybody has their issues; and while it's apart of being human to help one another out in a time of need, i don't feel like i have the right to drown people in my sorrows. i want to look as if i'm a happy person despite it all. AND if i do sit and think about my problems, i will then have to admit that my life is semi-fucked up.

the bad news about life is that you get obstacles that you can't avoid or stop from happening. they will make you feel like you have no where else to go, nobody else will understand you, and that God has a huge grudge against you.

the good news about life is that if you're sitting and thinking about your problems and how you're going to get through it means that you're still alive and well. this is your opportunity to become a stronger person and live the rest of your life trying to make it better and appreciating the small things.

it's funny how something so terrible and big happens to you and it only takes something as small as walking to the middle of the woods and looking up at the stars to make you feel better. the little things are God's way of showing you that everything will be alright. I seriously think i'm the real life Charlie Brown. but at the end of the day, no matter what, i'm happy. being happy is what i want to be, what i LONG to be. and i want everyone else to be happy as well. just take a deep breath and count to 3 : )

To be quite honest.

To be honest, i'm scared of being honest. i always second guess my feelings, my actions...everything. i'm scared that everything is my fault. but lately i've been feeling like the stuff that's been happening actually isn't mine at all. i know for a fact i try as hard as i can to keep friendships alive. there's only so much effort i can put it when i don't feel like i'm recieving it back. i need to say a big thank you to some people that haven't been making me feel like absolute shit lately..

kelsea-i can't believe how alike you and i are. we have a lot of the same goals, dreams, morals..it's always nice to talk to you and feel a sense of somebody actually listening to me. it's also fun to be the ones to listen to ALL of the drama and just sit back and laugh at it. you are also the only person i know that would make going to the carwash something to look foward to. i love you. can't wait for california. and i'm giving you the biggest shout out cause i know you'll actually read this haha

also:cari, clint, holly, haley, lindsey, alden, sarah, shelby, alyssa, taylor...

it's so hard for me to write this. because there are so many other names i want to add. but i can't. because at this moment, i feel like these are the only ones who give as much as i give to them.
i'm tired of fighting for friendships. i thought that was the last thing you were suppose to do. that's probably my biggest reason for wanting to leave conway...or arkansas for that matter. i want to show people what they are missing. i want to prove them wrong. i want to do more with my life than just sit around and dream about better things and dreading the reality of my life.